The Gold's Gym 2-Person Marathon Relay

Holy crap!!! I ran 13.2 miles on Sunday, April 30th as the second half of the The Gold's Gym 2-Person Marathon Relay. My friend, Natalie, ran the first half. The most I've ever run before that was 9.1 miles, so I wasn't so sure I'd even be able to finish 13.2 miles. But, I did it and it felt awesome when I was done.... and then it hurt a lot... and now I feel good again. When I was done, I was thinking to my self, "Self, how the hell could anyone run twice this distance. And, self, do we really want to run this distance ever again?" and I'm pretty sure my gut was screaming "NO, we're never doing this again!", but now that the various pains are behind me, I'm starting to think I might enjoy doing that again. Are runners masochists? Why do we (or I anyway) subject ourselves to so much discomfort and pain? It must be the feeling of accomplishment you get when you've beaten a personal record.

Natalie decided she wanted to run the first half of the marathon which meant she needed to be there for the start at 8 am. I wanted to make sure I knew where to be and stuff, so I went with her. I didn't want to drive an hour in the morning, so I stayed over her place the night before. We went out to Basil T's to carbo load. I'm still not sure that eating pasta before a race helps you, but it was good food anyway.

We went back to her apartment, and her roommate was having a party. Holy shit. I was so mad. They said something about going out, so maybe they wouldn't be around, but I just knew I wasn't getting any sleep. I rarely get a full night's rest anyway, so it didn't matter too much, but I at least expect the opportunity to get some real sleep. No luck. Those fuckers were making noise ALL GODDAMN NIGHT. And one moron in particular kept asking Natalie if she would run the NYC marathon with him. She said yeah and brushed him off, but the dumbass was drunk or something and he made her swear like 8 times that she would actually run with him. It sounded like he didn't even own a pair of running shoes, yet he felt somehow the NYRR was just gonna let him run this fall as long as he had some sacred pact with Natalie. The noise was so consistent that Natalie dug out a pack of ear plugs. I tried putting them in, but I wasn't so sure about sleeping with something plugging up my ear. They were sorta uncomfortable and didn't work 100%. At 3am, Natalie went out and asked the frat boys to keep it down, but that didn't really help much. As anticipated, I woke up with a huge headache. I'm no doctor, but I suspect the ear plugs prevented the necessary drainage needed in the eustachian tubes. The lack of flow of whatever probably resulted in some irritants being stuck in my inner-ear. Natalie was pretty annoyed in the morning and decided we needed to eat cereal in the kitchen right near where the drunk fuckers were sleeping. Of course there was the usually high pitch DING you get every time your spoon hits the cereal bowl. I tried to keep it quiet for those shitbags, but Natalie really poured on the spoon dinging. I was sorta uncomfortable about that, but they deserved it. I was too tired to have to give them a beatdown.

We headed out to the race and decided to stop to get a camping chair so I could hang out and read while I waited for my leg of the race. We got a chair at CVS or something and then headed to Long Branch. I don't think I've ever been to Long Branch as a kid. In fact, the only thing I know about Long Branch is that there was some Haunted House ride there and it caught on fire and it was a big deal. I just googled it and found this page. It's sorta interesting. The fire completely destroyed the amusement park and the owner got $2,000,000 from the insurance company. This didn't even cover his $4,000,000 mortgage. The page doesn't mention any deaths, but I seem to remember a couple of deaths. Maybe I'm thinking of Great Adventure. Yep, another google yields this article about 8 deaths at the Haunted House "ride" at Six Flags Great Adventure in NJ. This might explain my irrational fear of Haunted House rides. One fire at Great Adventure when I was 10 that kills 8 people and another huge fire in Long Branch when I was 13. In another post, maybe I'll explain my irrational fear of bars (places where they serve beer).

Anyway, we watched the Half-Marathon start off at around 7:15 and Natalie put on her bibs and found a pace group she felt comfortable with. The 5:00 group had two pacers. One of them was wearing a light blue polyesther tuxedo with an iron burn on the back of the jacket. He looked pretty funny and he was telling corny jokes. At 8am the Marathon (and Relay) started off and I headed over to Gold's Gym to see what was up over there. Gold's Gym sponsored the relay and they were taking care of us pretty good. I was told they were giving pre-race massages and stretching people out and stuff, but I didn't get that. I guess it was a new gym because it was totally rad. They had a ton of shiny new equipment and treadmills with built-in TVs. The bathrooms were squeaky clean and they had urinals that didn't need water to flush. That's like so cool. They gave us plenty of water and pre-race food and let us check our bags. My opinion of Gold's Gym as a place where greasy muscleheads work out has been shattered.

Instead of sitting and reading as planned, I went to the running store to try out some running shoes. I bought new running shoes in Virginia earlier this year, but they weren't doing it for me. I was still using my old running shoes. I went to Shore Runner where Christine and Mike helped me pick out like 6 different shoes. I ran up and down the sidewalk like 3 times in each shoe and Christine tried to figure out if I was running correctly in them. I finally decided on a pair of Nike Air Vomero shoes.



These shoes were really bouncy (or "responsive" as they say in the industry) and after trying them and then trying my old beaten down shoes, I decided I would be regretting the whole run if I didn't buy them. Christine and Mike of Shore Runner looked at me like I had three heads when I told them I was going to buy them and then immediately run in them. Unfortunately, there was no way I could run this race in my Asics Gel Nimbus shoes. They let me leave my stuff in their store and I wore the new shoes out the door. They advised me to put Vaseline on my feet to prevent blisters. I used some Body Glide all over my feet and toes, in between my legs and under my arms. I have to say it worked awesome. I didn't have a single blister or any chafing. I was really impressed.

I got myself all greased up, stretched my legs, put on some sunscreen, and headed up to the transition area. It was just about 2 hours 15 minutes into the race. If Natalie was keeping up with the 5:00 people, I should see her in about 15 minutes. I hung around with the other dozen or so Marathon Relay runners and waited for Natalie to come in. The race organizers were using walkie talkies to warn each other of the relay runners coming in about half a mile before they arrived. They were really well organized. The Virginians would be befuddled. I saw the guy in the tuxedo come through and then I saw the back of the 5 hour pace group come through and there was no Natalie.

I think it was about 2:33 (clock time) when they called out "7012 Inbound!". I was so impressed. Natalie was totally on track. I'm not saying I think Natalie is a crappy runner. I'm just saying that since I was totally sure that I would pass out at mile 11, I was pretty sure Natalie would be crawling in at around 3 hours. Sure enough, a few moments later, Natalie comes running in with a big smile on her face. I couldn't believe my eyes. How could she be so happy?? I just KNEW I'd be riding the ambulance in for the last 2 miles and she's running like she's just finished a 5K! I pulled the ankle bracelet (chip) off her leg and put it on. I totally forgot all the congratulatory things I was gonna say and I took off like a rocket.

I wanted to catch up with the 5:00 group. I ran the 0.1 miles to the Start/Finish line and kept it going at about 9:30/mile. At about 1.5 or 2 miles, I finally caught up with the 5 hour group. I figured if I could stay with them or in front of them I would finish under 2:30 which was my goal. When I got to about a block ahead of the 5 hour group, I slowed it down to their pace of 11:30/mile. I was going up and down in pace around 11 minutes the whole time. It was great. I was loving the new shoes. They were totally giving back some bounce. And seriously, the first 9 miles were like nothing. No troubles at all. I was totally on auto-pilot.

I stopped at every water stop and drank an entire cup of Gatorade. There was a water stop roughly every mile. Every few water stops they had some food like oranges, gummi bears, pretzels, Snickers Marathon Bars, Bananas, etc... I was having a blast.

At around 5 miles, I saw Natalie and her parents who took some pictures of me and maybe gave me a high five or two. It was cool to see them.

I was sorta running the same pace as a guy who was wearing a Howard Dean shirt. I said something stupid to him like "You think Dean will run in 2008" and he replied all snotty with something like "He said he won't." He obviously wasn't into chatting, so I passed him for a bit. Then a mile or two down the road the guy pulls up right next to me. I mean RIGHT next to me. There was nobody else on the road. He has the entire width of the road and this guy decides to run RIGHT next to me. And then, he rips about 4 farts and runs ahead. I couldn't believe it. The dude totally bombed me. You believe that??

So, yeah, 9 miles no problems at all. I was IN THE ZONE. And then we got to the double digits and I started doing all sorts of calculations in my head. That's when I start to lose it. I start negotiating with myself. "I just have 4.1 miles left" and then 0.1 miles later I'm like "I only have 4 miles left and I've done that before." But then I'll remember that I actually have an extra 0.1 miles above the mile markers and I get all confused and my head spirals into a firey blaze of mathematics. This is really common for me in shorter races and it's the psychological blow that makes me give up. I don't know what it is about all the pointless calculations that sabotages me. For 9 miles, my head was totally clear. I was just checking out the other runners, the bands on the side, the water stops, and looking over my shoulder to see if I was still ahead of the tuxedo guy. Then the last 4 miles I'm making myself crazy with all these numbers.

I think if I can figure out a way to forget that shit, I'd be so much better off. It's helped to not run with music because you can totally tell what the time is by how many songs you've heard. And then you hear Free Bird and you're like "Oh Free Bird is a 9 minute song and the guitar solo starts about 3 minutes in...." Unfortunately, I still like to make sure I'm keeping up pace, so I wear the Forerunner which shows me way too many numbers.

So I'm pushing through the final two miles and I'm going through some neighborhoods and up a busy road and the number of cheering spectators keeps increasing which helps a lot. I love the spectators. I totally eat up all their attention. I always put my arms up in the arm to encourage cheering and it always works. That always gives me an extra boost of energy. I see a guy carrying a 4:45 pace banner and I'm like "HOLY SHIT! I'm kicking ass.", but then I ask him if he's on track and he tells me he's way behind and that he might not even make it. I don't know if that means he wasn't going to make the 4:45 time or if he was planning to pass out. I wasn't gonna wait around for him.

I get to the final stretch before the boardwalk and I can see the Finish line way in the distance. I'm so almost there and I'm so ready to quit, but people are yelling "Just a half mile to go" and I know they're wrong because I've done my own calculations, but it helps and I keep pushing. I can feel my knees starting to harden up and the layer of salty crust all over my face is starting to warm up in the sun. I just keep pushing and the 5:00 group pacer (not the tuxedo guy) comes flying by me. That bums me out until I ask him if he's on track and he tells me he's way ahead of schedule. I just keep pushing.

Finally, I get to the transition area and there's Natalie and her family and they're cheering me on. Natalie started to run with me and I pick up the pace to like 8:30/mile. I keep that up for a few hundred feet, but I have to drop back to 10:30/mile or so. We keep it up and cross the finish line at about 4:56:21.

I was so psyched. HOLY SHIT. I just ran a half marathon!!! I picked up my medal (everyone got one) and my NJ Marathon hat and then I walked it off a bit, but my knees instantly solidified. They hurt so bad when I tried to bend them. I walked a little and someone had to help me onto the ground so I could lie down for a bit.

We drank some water and rested and then went back to Shore Runner to tell them how we did. I must have looked pretty thrashed because they were looking at me like I three heads again. We wrote our times on their sign-in sheet, drank some Gatorade Slushies and took off. After lying down for a bit, and a lengthy shower, we went to Zebu Forno for some food.

Zebu Forno is a really cool coffee shop in Red Bank. They make their own bread and have all sorts of coffee and cookies and gelato. They also have pizza and sandwiches. They have free WiFi and some really cool paintings on the walls. I would link to their site, but they don't have one. I used to like Starbucks because they seemed like they were environmentally conscious and customer focused and their drinks were relatively consistent. But lately they've been getting shittier and shittier. Starbucks could learn a lot from Zebu.

Anyway, before I use up all your bandwidth, I'll wrap this up. The next few days were surprisingly easy. I had some difficulty with stairs and my left ankle is sensitive, but I'm in way better shape than I expected. And, like I mentioned, I'm thinking I could do another half marathon some time soon. I need to figure out the deal with my ankle, but I'm super happy with the experience.

The Gold's Gym 2-Person Marathon Relay (HM) - Bib # 7012
Long Branch, NJ
April 30, 2006, 8:00 am
Second Leg

The Jesus Joggers
Natalie Voskinarian
Time: 2:31:22
Pace: 11:34

Jonathan August, 31
Time: 2:22:52
Pace: 10:55

Chip Time: 4:54:13
Pace: 11:14
Gun Time: 4:56:21

Relay Place: 33/37
Open Mixed Place: 7/8

Don't forget to join Team Factory Interactive for the Army Ten Miler! Space is limited.

Next Three Races:

Sunday May 14 - 8am	Central Park	New York Junior League Mother’s Day Co-Ed 5K
Wednesday May 17 - 6:30pm	Financial District	American Heart Association Wall Street Run & Heart Walk (5K)
Sunday May 21 - 8:30am	Capitol Hill (DC)	Capitol Hill Classic 10K

...and I'm Just Getting Started.