Friday

Assault

I got assaulted on Monday in broad daylight. I was walking back from the bank wearing a black puffy jacket and an Internection winter cap and there was a big black dude with a red rasta cap walking the other way. I usually look down when walking past people so as to avoid provoking them, but the dude stopped about 2 feet in front of me, so I looked up and then he kicked the side of my leg with the bottom of his boot. He hit my left leg perpendicular to the direction it normally swings from my knee. He didn't get that good of a shot on it, so it didn't hurt too much but I was still shocked. I mean... WHAT THE FUCK? I don't go around kicking people. In fact, I'm really quite a nice guy. I looked at him and in mere milliseconds, I determined the correct course of action. This decision took into account his height, weight, possible psychiatric abnormalities, the potential for weapons on his person, the probability that he may be carrying an AIDS infested syringe.....

I took a step back and said "What's your problem, man?" This must have really scared the shit out of him because he kept walking. I thought about calling the police, but I doubted that they'd show up in time to find the dude. Also, I considered how embarrassing it would be to call 911 and say "Some guy kicked me." I've never been a violent man, but this made me very mad. I'm looking into finding myself a nice lead pipe and a pair of brass knuckles for next time.

I've attached a composite sketch of the man who attacked me. If you see him, run away.